So it's been way, way too long since a post. But life has been crazy. There are times where I don't even get to check my email. Or thank goodness for mobile email and facebook because its sometimes 1 am and I quick check things before falling asleep.
Things have been pretty calm. We did have a trip to Ft Carson for an evaluation with the VA, which was a joke. I love that the military and VA are trying to work together and make it a streamline process for our soldiers but for us... it was a waste of tax payers money. But a nice little vacation, although kind of a stressful one, for us.
Because we have already done VA process here and he already has a rating, it was redundant for him to do it again. But they said they were "specially trained". HA! The dr sat him down and asked him questions about what was bothering him and how long it had been going on, how he had hurt himself, and then sat him on the table and looked in his ears, nose, throat, and set us on our way. To a civilian eye dr, who dilated his eye to check them. And that was it! Not even all what they said they were going to do. And everything they did, was already in his file. So they paid for 2 soldiers, because they had to send an escort with my husband (that's a whole other little post as to why) via plane, hotel for 2 nights for them, in 2 rooms because they don't put soldiers together, and car rental. Sometimes I just want to take over the government and take care of some serious stupid things like this. I bet some of us could find plenty of money that is wasted that could be well spent and still balance the budget! SIGH!
And the 4th.... sigh.... So I love the 4th. I love the meaning behind it. I love the patriotism. I love the family activities, parades, BBQs. I love the fireworks... usually. So far this year, I'm not loving it so much. The fireworks have been so loud and so often this year around our house that it has not been good for my husband. Most of the time if he knows they are coming he is ok. But they were so loud and they were going until after midnight last night. It was awful. And he wouldn't go to sleep last night. So now, he is still fighting going to sleep, because he doesn't want the nightmares. But if he stays up, it will be 10 times worse tonight. He gets on edge and every little sound sets him off. I'm worried that tonight is going to have a bad flashback episode.
And it's hard when people around us don't understand that. Someone responded when he said he used to like the 4th, that we could come hang with them. Be a part of the parade and fireworks and all of it. LOL What this person has no understanding of, is what all of that does to him, what it reminds him of. Then a friend, who does understand, put up a post after and so wonderfully put in a way that shouldn't offend. Saying that she understands that the fireworks remind him of where he was. I love that friend! If I had put something like that up, I would be more of the evil wife, but she could put it up and this other person might go, "Oh.. I hadn't thought of that" and be ok.
My sister in law is coming in from out of town and we are all suppose to sleep over at in laws tonight. In laws have a big flag ceremony in the morning, bright and early. We probably wouldn't sleep over anyway, because its so crazy with that many people and we live close enough anyway. But I asked if they would take kids because of him. I don't know if they will, just because it's already going to be so crazy with everyone else. But we'll see. Even if they will just take older ones because they can take care of themselves, and I can get youngest to sleep and he'll stay asleep. I worry if husband has flashback that it will scare the kids. They haven't seen a bad one, just the ones where he is spacey and snaps out of it ready to spring, mostly. (Except for our one child a few months ago.) But these upset the older ones a lot. They worry about him a lot.
I just want him to sleep. Take his meds and sleep... Is that too much to ask? Tomorrow, flag ceremony, lots of family until he can't handle it anymore, take him home and then the kids and I will go to friends for BBQ and watch fireworks and come home. Hopefully he will play his computer and be ok. But I can't stop my life and the kids for him. we can't stop living all the time for him. He has to learn to get better. He has to do it himself. I can't do it for him. I can't make him better. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Only he can.
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